HUNGRY> so i cooked:>


CAN U TELL WHAT IT IS IN THE BOWL?
lol
it's 金针菇！
hahaaha, can't believe how healthy my diet is now.
actually i was tempted to eat the last existing cup noodles, but then 舍不得since it's the last one.
oh well, it's not good for my anyway. :>

hmmm, i am guessing something's wrong with this new mac?

BOOOOOOOOO!

Labels: smilies:)

AHHHH DEAR TAIPANG,
JUST FAIL ME LAHHHHH

We’re all lonely.
We’re all depressed.
We’re all neurotic.
We’re all self-conscious.

We all think we’re weird, strange, abnormal,
But we’re really not.

We’re actually all the same,
But why do we try to claim we’re so different?

was chatting with peirong on the line just now
feels pretty excited that she's coming back soon :>
promised her i'll bring her to gay/lesbian clubs.
but then, when it came to the point of re-mentioning that i'll no longer be in NYC this fall saddens me still
too many shits happened in the past few months and i still can't bring myself to feel better
feel better? is that how i should put it?
hmmm.. never mind.
what's done is done. none of us can do anything about it.
sometimes when u missed something, or did something it might ends up irreversible.
by saying " it's okay, there will always be a next time" or " there're chances always" is merely self-consolance
maybe that's why i am SOOO afraid of goodbyes, separations.
because we might never know when is the next time coming by.
even if i'll have to die tomorrow by destiny's intention
at least my loved-ones know that I love them
so never be stingy with those lovely words:)

words are made to express
literature is made to feel
music is made for the soul
art is made to last
so use them well.

P.S: AHHHHHH CAN'T STAND THIS FLOODING OF INSPIRATIONS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

i am hungry :<
but i just ate at 9
:<

i was thinking.
DEEP IN THOUGHTS :<

this is the most desperate song i've ever heard.
If i have a friend calls Jolene, i will sing this to her everyday no matter what her looks/skin/hair/hair/smile is like
this really reminds me of Ben. -,-ll
another amazing person i've known.

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don't take him just because you can
Your beauty is beyond compare
With flaming locks of auburn hair
With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green
Your smile is like a breath of spring
Your voice is soft like summer rain
And I cannot compete with you, jolene

He talks about you in his sleep
There's nothing I can do to keep
From crying when he calls your name, jolene

And I can easily understand
How you could easily take my man
But you don't know what he means to me, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don't take him just because you can

You could have your choice of men
But I could never love again
Hes the only one for me, jolene

I had to have this talk with you
My happiness depends on you
And whatever you decide to do, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Im begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don't take him even though you can
Jolene, jolene

Labels: songs

HMM. I KNOW I AM BUSY.
but suddenly i feel like writing a love letter/poem to express myself
you know those cliche type of mushy love letter/poem.
so here it goes,

ROMEO is just a name
but inside me, it is a place
a place given for any names
but within me it contains only yours

HELLO, with a polite nod
shows my love with no plot
pure love is hard to find
but there it is, at your door

treasure thee with no doubts
cherish thee with all my heart
thank you sir for being mine
look, that's what i mean by: we will never ever end
♥



so yeah now, back to TAIPANG, if not i'll end up writing him an apology letter.

Labels: XIUXIU

I WANT HAR GAO




but the nearest place with har gao is xingwang

and i don't like it.
it's a con $$ restaurant

it's 9.09PM
and menmeng has been licking his paws for the past 5 minutes
and the church people had left for 9 minutes
they kept persuading me to attend college at BYU( Hawaii)
trying to brain wash me how good their animation course is
and how cheap the college fees is ( tempting mama)
but my skeptic mindset couldn't get out of the coconut bra image of hawaii dancing
so i kindly rejected them

ah great,
now i couldn't stop thinking of coconut bras
i am even thinking/wondering
what is it like to wear a real coconut bra
do they have different cup sizes for different boobs?
AH it must feel damn itchy to wear one, maybe that's why the dancers couldn't stop shakingggg.

AH Zhou went back to China and will be back on 5th June eyy
that's means 1 week absence from schoool.
* envious*
:<


ANYWAY THIS IS HOW EXACTLY I FEEL SOMETIMES.
so instead of writing them down again, i just REBLOG:)

FYI I have not washed my hair since 16th May 2010, GMT+8:00 approx. 8pm because I didn't have time to wash my hair on Monday morning if not I would be late for submission, and by the time I got home at night I was too tired to wash my hair, and now I'm too lazy to wash my hair because I'm not going out today. I think my hair is going to turn into natural dreadlocks very soon HAHAHAHA I think I'm damn gross I will never get married. :< Even if I wash my hair before going out for every date, one day he will realise the ugly truth when we live together and he will divorce me. Please don't divorce me :<

I should find a very dirty husband and be dirty together. If you think it's not hard at all to find dirty guys, you are wrong, because from what I observe, guys nowadays are getting cleaner and cleaner and they keep shaving and I don't know what the hell they want to shave for because they are shaving all their sexiness away. Stop shaving please. I mean, guys. Girls please continue to shave. I know I am being very contradicting because as someone who is supportive of women rights I should be encouraging girls to grow their armpit hair and leg hair like never before so as to prove that both sexes are all equal. But no, please. No. Eew.

I don't know what I'm eew-ing for because I didn't wash my hair for 2 days and I should be eew-ing at myself. Eew.

I CAN'T EXPRESS MY HAPPINESSSSSSS THAT FINALLLLY DEAR DEAR CAN READ OUR BLOGSSSS



HAHHAHAAAA

dear dear ^^
hihi

HEY HI

dear digital diary,

i went out to grab my Bubble Tea just now
and i met two missionaries.
they said they wanna to pray for me.

so they handled me a list of things they can pray for me.

out of 12 i ticked 3
(trying not to be greedy) :P

1) Inner peace
2) Friendship/Relationship
3) Holly Spirits

Oh well, i guess they are my priorities.

Thank you and sorry;)
i'm a person with growing faith.

i have nothing against the person( if there really is) above
it's just his fan club i cannot stand.

i amazed them last night (:


seriously, they can't entertain at alllll.

haa.



OH menmeng is now free as birddd.
cute birdie.

SHOULD UPDATE AND WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT MY DARLING PETS

1) TIGER- she is limping :(
she needs a lift to her stand up, ahh.. :(
i hope everything will be fine, i can't wait for tomorrow to come and send her to the vet.
after all, I am the 2nd mistress of the cat, and it's my responsible as long as dear isn't around.
i hope she is just too fat to stand up, and not some serious joint problem :(

2) XIAOHEI- still has phobia in humannn. but he allowed me to stroke him:) I think dear traumatized him
very much everytime he sees him.

3) Menmeng- same as usual. haven't been out of the kitchen since the new sofa arrived :(
sad yar, but we have been taking him out for walks. so i hope he isn't too deprived.

It's 3+AM and 3+PM for you
i can't sleep
as if i am suffering from you jet lag
i hope i can be mature and see things and handle things like you soon:)

u are now in the land of America
but like John Leon said, " Imagine there's no county"
so u are not far away:)
just a touch on my phone i can hear ur voice
a click on my mac i can see your face
just a flight across, and i can be with you.

see,
darling
u are not far away:)

Labels: XIUXIU

i guess, being young can't always be the key to forgiveness
i need to take more control on my own self
need to trust myself before i can even trust others

trust is a easy BIG word
kids learn how to spell them in kindergartens
but only know what it really is maybe till 20 years later
or for some, never.

SO TODAY,
i have a TO-DO LIST for myself, for my soul, for everyone around me.

1) DO STH FOR DEAR TAIPANG BEFORE I DISAPPOINT HIM
2) HOUSE CLEANING
3) CHIT CHAT WITH SHARINE
4) LOOK AFTER MY SKIN( maybe get a bottle of collagen from Waston)
5) EAT SOMETHING
6) WALK MENMENG
7) READ A BOOK
8) SAY A PRAYER

I am an empty can, waiting to be filled up
and being stubborn brings me nowhere.
so yeah
i got to fill myself up.

AHHHHH GACKT SO CUTE
i can watch this for the rest of the week.
and never gets tireddd.

AHHHHH GACKT SO CUTE

SHE SCARES ME.

There's such a sad love
Deep in your eyes, a kind of pale jewel
Open and closed within your eyes
I'll place the sky within your eyes

There's such a fooled heart
Beating so fast in search of new dreams
A love that will last within your heart
I'll place the moon within your heart

As the pain sweeps through
Makes no sense for you
Every thrill has gone
Wasn't too much fun at all
But I'll be there for you-oo-oo
As the world falls down

Falling
(As the world) Falling down
Falling in love

I'll paint you mornings of gold
I'll spin you Valentine evenings
Though we're strangers till now
We're choosing the path between the stars
I'll leave my love between the stars

Labels: Indie

i try to make a list of things that makes me happy
so i can refer to this when i am down.

1) XIUFENG/老公/DEAR DEAR/♥/( and all the names that i use to call him)
2) TUMBLR
3) deer bbf
4) retail therapy
5) tea house
6) random people raising my dress
7) working an getting paid
8) Gackt videos
9) 康熙来了
10) pretty flowers

BUT number 2-10 won't work if i am feeling sad about number 1, whereas number 1 cheers me up even when the world falls down.

she scares me.

she used you to scare me.

she ain't got no rights, cause she doesn't know how much i'm being loved.
by you.

Labels: shag

OH TIGER KISSED ME ON MY NOSE TIP TODAY:)


♥

Sir,

I am always intimidated by the word " forever"
always afraid i might be laughed at
please may, if u have to
because i fantasize being forever with you.
sorry it might seems disapproving by my behaviors.
but i always have.

i know what i am sorry for.

for my immaturity
for my paranoia
for my impulsiveness
for my instability

i am covered with flaws.
i am feeling apologetic for myself
apathetic
i look back too much
keep finding things to go back to
so wrong,
i should look at the present,
so i can make things better.

sorry, for who i WAS.
that's it. i am done with the person before.
sorry, sincerely.
for saying those mean/hurtful words.

P.S: the sun shines to keep us breathing, but too much is global warming.

i am feeling much much better now
thank the dawn,
it dragged me out from the dark side of the moon. :>

but now what is annoying me is hunger:<

i should go sleep and forget everything:>

P.S: SORRRYY DEAR BLOG FOR ALL THE FLOODING/SPAMMING TONIGHT :<

Sometimes when we love something/someone,
the love doesn't comes back to us.

For example,
I LOVE GACKT, but he doesn't even know i exist :<

i am ashamed of my own fragility.

what's wrong with me tonight.
this specific night.
it haunts me with gravely thoughts.

if i could, i would
be strong for myself
and maybe for whatever that is within me..

My whole world is build around a multitude of ‘yous’. I am rarely my own person. I am happy when you are. And I worry when you are sad,

I built a small world around you and I took joy and pride in that.

I cannot explain my feelings or why I care.

I care because I do. Just as the sun shines because it does.

I don’t really know what to say anymore. I am sore I am tired.



Sorry,
though
I’m not exactly sure what I am sorry for.



P.S: i hope you will skip this. i afraid you'll feel angry/bad

Labels: XIUXIU

i hope. u could spare me a bit of your time.

sorry i am missing you too much.
i hate/afraid of the night.
they stir me up, and then left me alone,
without you.

i hate myself for being needy.
needy of you.
i know i need to be stronger
even without you.

but i can't help
to change my nature
to twist it around.
"won't it be a wonder if all the negative switch to positive."
just one call.
doesn't matter long or short.
it's just you will do.

Labels: XIUXIU

"我爱你“ 是一句具有神奇魔力的话。不管有多生气多讨厌，只要说出这句话，就能让不好的事全部消失。


-it's true, and it works.

i am suspecting.
it's terrifying.
what if the history rewrites itself.

i'm not gonna take it.

it might destroy me this time.

feeling better now(:
thank u Mr. Shuster.

give ya a glimpse of the afternoon.
(:
@ QUBE
how bad can i be at @QUBE after Sinkid?
How worse can it get.
Nah.

♥
♥
♥

darling, stop blaming
he is just a phantom

he's around you in your thoughts

sir.
you can't possibly imagine how shitty i am feeling right now.
blame it on the weather,
blame it on the tea

i had a clusters of nightmares which haunted me till dawn
and further down.
it was all about you
it was all about us.

feeling fragile, feeling sick
from everything that spins and spin.

Labels: Falling, shag, shitty

please take me QUBE.

I WILL LOVE UUUUU QUBEEE>

tomorrow I m gonna be myself.

Dog tired. So much to do, yet no one can break into my bubble of solemnity. I want to drown myself in books, just keep reading one after another. It gives me satisfaction every time I close upon one story, of course, it helps with my english too.
I am not in a desperate state for a self improvement, but I am in a way desperate for satisfactions.
By what means i don't care. but reading seems the best so far. Enlightening and educative at the same time, why not.

I stayed up till 4 last night. Bombarded myself with Gackt videos. :)
HE AMAZED ME :)
THANKS DEER WHO GOT ME HOOKED.

Anyway, here's what i mean by he is AMAZINGLY funny/weird/odd/unique, but i will say mostly WEIRDNESSSS.

i can feel the villain inside of me.

struggling with moralities.
and i am afraid it might break free.

come, sneak a peek at my true colors, which i myself get murky by its nature. tell me, teach me who i am, in what way i like my eggs to be cooked. i am the one who runs and hide in the end, not knowing from what even. i am tired of figuring out what i want or who i am, what are my characteristics like, i am tired. tired of trying. i got older now, and things/emotions multiplies and complicates. i need a clear mind to pull me out. someone that can read me, beyond that layer of plastics. someone who might entertains me with poems and literature, ay what a dreamy thought. but where art thou.

i hope, i have siblings.

so i won't have to sit through things alone, most of the times.

i thought about the bubble.
the invisible bubble that bursted without the world knowing.
let me try and think everything in past tense.

i woke up in weirdness, and so i carried on from there.

i am having breakfast as u can say, despite it is 4.40PM. but this is pretty common for me so what makes it weird is the breakfast combination. So i am having plain cold porridge with crackers.

>.<

ODD>ness.

actually the truth is, i woke up starving, and these are the most accessible for in my house.

it's late.
and i had hardly slept last night.
but there's been so much emotions lately, will be great to pen them down i think.

The giving tree, needs to stop giving, so to make it a less 'sad tale', but does that means to ask the tree to be more practical?
i often land myself in the same dilemma, which one is more important?
being practical so you get less hurt along the way, or be a dreamer, and get hurt and ends with a sad tale in the end?
i've been preaching both. sometimes i really can't stand my 2-sidedness. i told my currently suffering friends to get practical, and those practical friends to get dreamyyy.
Am i wrong? Or helping them to balance up their emotions? At least that's what i hope to.

ah shit i'm tired, suddenly,
i got to sleep.

P.S: i miss u F.
hate to admit, hate to spell it out, but i do.

By: Shel Silverstein (1930-1999)

Is this a sad tale? Well, it is sad in the same way that life is depressing. We are all needy, and, if we are lucky and any good, we grow old using others and getting used up. Tears fall in our lives like leaves from a tree. Our finitude is not something to be regretted or despised, however; it is what makes giving (and receiving) possible. The more you blame the boy, the more you have to fault human existence. The more you blame the tree, the more you have to fault the very idea of parenting. aShould the tree's giving be contingent on the boy's gratitude? If it were, if fathers and mothers waited on reciprocity before caring for their young, then we would all be doomed.

Labels: BOOK

IT TOOK ME ALOT TIME TO FIND THIS >.<

HOW SHOULD I BEGIN?

I WANT TO BE MEAN SO I CAN FEEL BETTER.

SOMETHING IS ANNOYING ME> like it's constantly playing annoying apple.

Labels: shitty

WTF. TODAY SUCKS BALLS.

Labels: shitty, you suck

I WORE A DRESS WITH EXTREMELY TIGHT BUCKLED BELT.

Labels: smilies:)

U SHINE!

ahhh i will miss u.

Labels: XIUXIU

Labels: Falling, secrets, shitty

satisfaction

Labels: satisfaction, shag

Labels: shitty

NARCISSIST

I WENT PIXAR EXHIBITION TODAY.

a long bus ride. a cold one. like the ones back in primary school. and the anticipation for the afternoon nap.

Labels: shag

i must admit, i do have weird tastes.

OMG DO U KNOW THAT XIU XIU IS A ROCKBAND??

Xiu Xiu (pronounced /ˈʃuːʃuː/ shoe-shoe^[1]) is an experimental art rock band originally from San Jose, California.

Xiu Xiu's music draws heavily from several disparate genres including post-punk, '80s synthpop, noise, ambient, techno, asian percussive music, modern classical, and folk. Musically, the band often blends cacophonous percussion and experimental structures with lush hooks and diverging lyrical styles.

Labels: smilies:)

sorry i can't stop blogging

Labels: Indie

You say your on a diet,
cos the thing that don't work out right,
But you don't even try,
though neither do i

And neither do my friends,
though some of them pretend,
and it's easy if you cry,
cos you feel bad for yourself.

I think about my friend who died,
And how her kids didn't get to say goodbye,
though neither did i,
no neither did i.

And neither did my friends,
though some of them pretend,
and its easy if you cry,
cos you feel bad for yourself.

If you pretend everythings fine,
i won't hurt myself or lie,
to you or mom or dad,
just pretend that i'm not sad.

And we'll work everthing out,
even all the stuff we don't talk about,
it would be easier if we cried,
we'd feel bad for ourself's.

It's supposed to snow tonight,
I hope the forecast is right,
cos in the morning i sleep in till i like,
and if it snowed outiside it would feel so nice in here

Labels: Indie

ABOUT ME

Labels: smilies:)

"Hello,

This thing is bothering me enough for me to be unable to continue drawing. So I am writing an email because you signed out once I signed in.

First things first, I apologise. For whatever that you are angry at me for.
I apologise, but I have to admit. I don't feel sorry.
If you really want me to explain my actions. I have never really thought of it as a big deal. So I apologise for my actions if they have caused any inconvenience whatsoever.

I normally apologise if you are mad at me for anything. Because, well, I don't know. You're stubborn and self-centred and you'll never be able to lower your pride enough to initiate a truce.
It is me who apologises because it makes things better and easier for the both of us. That, and you're important enough to me for me to lower my pride to just apologise profusely.

This time, I think I'm not going to do that.

You can act however you want and I'm not going to say I don't care.
I just shouldn't care.

A lot of people are saying that I shouldn't care and I shouldn't get affected by what you say.
I guess I should listen to what they say.

You are my friend and honestly, I would do anything for you.
That said, I can't say you will do the same thing for me.
Alot of the times, it really seems like you can't be bothered with the both of us.

What are we to you anyway?
Even after all the shit we have done for you, it always feels like you can dump us whenever you feel like it.
Dump us because you are busy, or you are angry about some trivial thing or you just feel like it.

You always say things like: I want to get close to this person because he/she will benefit me in ____ in the future

So do you have any real friends?
I thought we were friends.
I'm probably wrong.

I guess you can't possibly imagine the trauma or hurt you put us though or whatever. Whatever.
It is my fault. I got too close to you and I didn't realise that you are someone I cannot trust my emotions with.
Now I've gotten too attached, and I have to suffer the consequences."

Labels: you suck

today, i was hungry all day long. the pang of hunger is haunting me non-stoppingly. BUT I HAD DINNER YOU KNOW! but the hunger is still here. ARGGH> i hope my house is COLD STORAGE/NTUC/7ELEVEN by night.

I LOVE YOU SO SO SO INFINITELY:)

Labels: XIUXIU

nighty night:)

Labels: smilies:)

Labels: schooll