我已不再强求你家人的接纳，不强求你的陪伴，就连电话也可以少打，你爸妈在时可以少见，但是现在你对我的关心也懒了吗。。？ 忘了吗？

Labels: secrets

凌晨三点，有点冷，风有点凉。 我穿着厚衣服做着功课，有点疲惫，但是还可以继续。昨晚玩得很high，沾了一点bloody mary，不是很合胃。觉得的确酒不好喝，比较情愿喝牛奶。 头脑很清醒，所以刻意地把压力释放出来，不再管别人投怎样的眼光。其实大家都一样，半闭着双眼，跟着节奏地随意摇摆，想叫就叫，想跳就跳，跟对方分享自己心里的寂寞。
人家说狂欢是一群人的孤单不是吗。。。
我也不敢想太多，不敢一个人太久，要求也不高，只希望有朋友陪伴。 现在我也只希望，开心，就好。

Labels: high，shag

i felt good, but shagged. again. =.=, yeah again, i danced to the beat, i laughed, i screamed, i jumped, i twisted. i felt carefree, for the first time in a long time. i felt, my senses. i am feeling again. but now i feel a little too exhausted to continue this typing, can't keep up the rhythm of the keyboard . i feel i could go for a rest. but there was something today i wish to conclude today, before concluding i wish to mention, the movies i watched today. Pretty Woman, Moulin Rouge.

Labels: high

觉得今天其实没什么特别想写的，一天就满满当当地过了。早上的model making折磨得我疲惫不堪，回想起两个月前放弃的，也没有感到任何遗憾。做同一样的事，听同一样的话，现在已像喝白开水似的无味。shian今天生病发烧，带她去看了医生，有些莫名的感叹。今天下了场倾盆大雨，雷雨交加的，但是回到家后我还是在疲惫中昏睡过去，醒来时瞬间记忆白页，有种沉睡千年那古老僵硬在黑暗中醒来的感觉，然后浑身肌肉酸痛。每天晚上夜半时分，我窗外就会飘来一阵烟味，可能是某邻居正躲在房里抽者门烟，每次嗅到都会想到你。。最近什么都不怕，就怕回家。

it's 11:05, back home from school. works pending, actions delaying. yeah this is my life on the second day of school. i began to feel calm, calm in a scary way. like the dead silence after a hurricane struck. like i am in a bubble of vacuum. i am picking up slowly, i think i still have the luxury of time. but there was a sting of anger today, the seemingly mockery of a friend. a good friend. once again i might be wrong, since i have a good long history of paranoia. i feel i am a creep myself sometimes, who am i to comment on others' sanity.

Labels: shag

im sitting at some random corner of the school for my 3 hour break before another class starts. feeling a little weird still. assignments, rushing in, but feeling nothing. consumed by this mixture of weirdness. yar, the melancholy still exist, lingering on. feel like i have missed a friend, the lost. a pinch of loneliness.

we asked each other " what makes you happy" today, as we were both sunken in this melancholy mood. she told me hers, but i couldn't tell mine. not that i didn't know myself that well, but there was this weird reluctance to admit.

Labels: shag

I need a sanctuary, after all these months of chaos, and non-stop roller-coaster rides.

Labels: Falling